“I’m good at being vague and unpredictable. It’s sort of a hard habit to break.”

“What if it’s a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don’t hate me because I’m asking the important questions.”

“This is from the queen? And you say it’s for a mouse? I’m sorry, sir, but the Pyramid Hotel doesn’t allow any pets except for service animals.”

“Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn’t? I mean, I’m trying to figure out why I can’t seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do.”

“I don’t know what this is for anyway. I mean, let me tell you what I’m never going to say to any human being, ever: ‘I had hunting season off-suit in the pocket, but I've had kicker trouble with that hand often enough to fold it.”

“Well then, I guess I’m man enough to admit that I’m trying to get in touch with my inner bitch.”

“I’m busy trying not to look like anything edible.”