“Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school.Three times in my twenties.Rocks no salt.Yes.Four.Never. And how dare you!I will take no further questions.”

“When you take risks you learn that there will be times when you succeed and there will be times when you fail, and both are equally important.”

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”

“You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. No wonder I drink so much! Then I get so drunk, I can barely feed the baby.That's what I call myself when I'm drunk, "The Baby.”

“I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.”

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

“People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant. ”