“My life is perfect even when it's not.”

“Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.”

“When life gives you lemons....they could really be oranges.”

“It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.”

“It's funny how cucumber water can taste so much better than pickle juice, even though they come from the same source.”

“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

“You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. No wonder I drink so much! Then I get so drunk, I can barely feed the baby.That's what I call myself when I'm drunk, "The Baby.”