“My point is, life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The pina and the colada.”

“Life is about balance. The good and the bad. The highs and the lows. The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy by yourself and for yourself. Happiness comes from within. You have the power to change your own mindset so that all the negative, horrible thoughts that try to invade your psyche are replaced with happy, positive, wonderful thoughts.”

“Answers to Frequently Asked Questions:Yes.Yes.No.One time in high school.Three times in my twenties.Rocks no salt.Yes.Four.Never. And how dare you!I will take no further questions.”

“My life is perfect even when it's not.”

“That's what life is all about. There's a lot of crying. So you'd better cry now and get used to it.”

“One time I actually cleaned out my closet so good I ended up on the cover of Time magazine.”

“Do you feel insecure because you keep getting the nagging feeling that you're not that smart? Well, I've got good news for you, my friend. You have no need to be insecure. That nagging feeling is absolutely right on target. You are not that smart. But I have more good news for you. You are also not alone.”