“Concentrate. Level the sight. Breathe in.Ease the trigger. And relax?BLAP! The can somersaulted across the sand.Pride swelled till I thought I'd burst.But my pride slipped at Dad's reality check.Not bad. Pretty good, in fact. For a girl.”

“Heart Breaking,I think that if Dad, staring down the sight of a 10mm,would only tell me he loves me,I could easily change my mind......but he won't.”

“All I can do is lie here, brain turning somersaults. It's nights like these when memories stir, whipping themselves into stiff peaks of pain.”

“Standing HereMy entire world far beneathmy feet, I should be filledwith pride. Instead, I feeloverwhelmed by a sense of defeat.Suddenly it comes to me,toes tempted to test the ledge,that there is a way out of this.Clam surety flows throughmy veins, and as I turn to wavegood-bye, I wonder if it willhurt or if a single personwill cry at my funeral.I take a deep breath, a finaltaste of sweet mountain air.I conjure Leona, Emily.Move my feet closer. CloserThere's Grandma One, GrandmaTwo, and their spouses, waitingfor me. I see Dad. Cara. Mommy.I screw up my courage, step over”

“Dad staggered in, eyes eerily lit.The corners of his mouth foaming spit.His demons planned an overnight stay.Mom motioned to take the girls away.hide them in their rooms, safe in their beds.We closed the doors, covered our heads,as if the blankets could mute the sounds of his blowsor we could silence her screams behind out pillows.I hugged the littlest ones close to my chest,till the beat of my heart lulled them to rest.Only then did I let myself cry.Only then did I let myself wonder whyMom didn't fight back, didn't defend,didn't confess to family or friend.Had Dad's demons claimed her soul?Or was this, as well, a woman's role?”

“Later, Bishop Crandall dropped byThe house to give me a sternreprimand. He sat acrossthe cluttered table,playing with a paper clip.'Your parents are worries about you, Pattyn.'I was worried about myself.But I wasn't about to let himknow it. "Really?"'Really. What have you got to say for yourself? You've always been such a good girl.'Good girl. Sit. Stay. Fetch.Bristles rose up along my spine. "Define good."'I don't appreciate your attitude,Pattyn. Fast and pray. Search yoursoul for the inequities in your life.'"Any inequity in my lifebegan when I was bornfemale. Can you fix that?"'You'll have to fix that yourself,by concentrating on the thingsGod expects of you.'His two-faced rhetoric was pissing me off. "You mean like kissing your ass?"He slammed his hand on the table.'I will not listen to that sort of language. Apologize!'Behind me, I hear Momgasp. But I was on a roll."I'm sorry, BishopI'm sorry I ever believedyou might have somethingworthwhile to say.”

“Girls are impossible to satisfy." "Not every girl." Not me. I'd be happy if he'd just like me a little.”