“The StainThat Conner left on our lives willnot vanish as easily. I don’t careabout Mom and her birds.Their estimation of my brotherdoesn’t bother me at all. Neitherdo I worry about Dad andwhat his lobbyist buddies think.His political clout has not diminished.As twins go, Conner and I don’t sharea deep affection, but we do havea nine-months-in-the-same-wombconnection. Not to mentiona crowd of mutual friends. God,I’ll never forget going to schoolthe day after that ugly scene.The plan was to sever the gossipgrapevine from the start withan obvious explanation—accident. Mom’s orders wereclear. Conner’s reputationwas to be protected at all costs.When I arrived, the rumorshad already started, thanksto our neighbor, Bobby Duvall.Conner Sykes got hurt.Conner Sykes was shot.Conner Sykes is in the hospital.Is Conner Sykes, like, dead?I fielded every single questionwith the agreed fabrication.But eventually, I was forced toconcede that, though his woundswould heal, he was not comingback to school right away.Conner Sykes wasn’t dead.But he wasn’t exactly “okay.”

“„I bet she's hot,” Sykes said. „Most demonesses are total babes,” He and Remy bumped first.I shook my head. They really had one-track minds. „She's okay, if you like big boobs and girls who curse like sailors.”„Me like.. me like,” Sykes said, bobbing up and down.I glared at him. „Too bad. Next time we meet, I'm vanquishing her.”Izzy grinned. „That's the spirit.”

“When People AskHow he’s doing now, I haveno idea what to say except for,“Better.” I don’t know if that’strue, or what goes on in a placelike Aspen Springs, not that any-one knows he’s there, thank God.He has dropped off most people’sradar, although that’s kind of odd.Before he took this unbelievableturn, Conner was top rung on oursocial ladder. But with his crashand burn no longer news of the day,all but a gossipy few have quittrying to fill in the blanks.One exception is Kendra, whofor some idiotic reason stillloves him and keeps asking abouthim, despite the horrible way hedumped her. Kendra may be pretty,but she’s not especially bright.”

“I love the way she feels inthe curve of my arm. I loveher unpretentious beauty,her intelligence, her nerve.But could I ever love her?The concept of falling in loveis completely foreign, somethingI can’t bring myself to accept. Her hair pillows my cheek and her hand on my leg is warm. I care about you, Conner, and I hate to see you hurting. I want to respond but can’tfind the pretty words I need.”

“I Won’t Fly TodayToo much to do, despite the snow,which made all local schools closetheir doors. What a winter! Usually,I love watching the white stuff fall.But after a month with only shortrespites, I keep hoping for a criticalblue sky. Instead, amazing wavesof silvery clouds sweep over the crestof the Sierra, open their obesebellies, and release foot upon footof crisp new powder. The skiresorts would be happy, exceptthe roads are so hard to travelthat people are staying home.So it kind of boggles the mindthat three guys are laying carpetin the living room. Just goes toshow the power of money. In lessthan an hour, the stain Conner lefton the hardwood will be a ghost.”

“It was the exact oppositefor me. At first all Iwanted was sex with her,but soon I wanted more.More sex, yes, in unusualplaces, and all different kinds.But that wasn’t all. I wantedher to fill the empty spacesleft by a father who neveronce praised me, ‘friends’ whoused me, an ice princess momwho raised me with glass kisses.”

“I only have have one question, scraping the inside of me. Answer it, and I will stumble back into her shadow, shut my mouth, never ask again. I've tried to ignore it, but it won't go away. It haunts my dreams, chases me through every single day, and I don't have the strength to turn around, face it down. So please tell me and I swear I'll never ask again. It's in your power to make it go away, and all you have to do is tell me why you love her more.”