“You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.”

“Happiness, you see, its just an illusion of Fate, a heavenly sleight of hand designed to make you believe in fairy tales. But there's no happily ever after. You'll only find happy endings in books. Some books.”

“If you are interested in happy endings, you would be better off reading some other book. In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle. This is because not very many happy things happened in the lives of the three Baudelaire youngsters.”

“If you enjoy books with happy endings than you are better off reading some other book.”

“In this book, not only is there no happy ending, there is no happy beginning and very few happy things in the middle.”

“But you'll never have your happy ending unless you're brave enough to open the book and start your story.”