“Artemis: (shocked) Why, Doctor? This is a sensitive area. For all you know I could be suffering from depression. Doctor Po: I suppose you could. Is that the case? Artemis: (head in hands) It's my mother, Doctor. Doctor Po: Yes? Artemis: My mother, she... Doctor Po: Your mother, yes? Artemis: She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy when the school's so-called counsellors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.”

“She forces me to endure this ridiculous therapy, when the so-called counselors are little better than misguided do-gooders with degrees.-Artemis Fowl”

“Have you ever heard of the theory of relativity?"Artemis blinked. "Is this a joke? I have traveled through time, Doctor. I think I know a little something about relativity.”

“When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.”

“Rose: My mum's here.The Doctor: Oh, that's just what I need! Don't you dare make this place domestic!Mickey Smith: You ruined my life, Doctor. [the Doctor turns and looks at him, irritated] They thought she was dead, I was a murder suspect because of you!The Doctor: [looks at Rose] See what I mean? Domestic!Mickey: I bet you don't even remember my name!The Doctor: Ricky.Mickey: It's Mickey!The Doctor: No, it's Ricky.Mickey: I think I know my own name!The Doctor: You think you know your own name? How stupid are you?”

“The Doctor: Doctor Song, you've got that face on again.River: What face?The Doctor: The "He's hot when he's clever" face.River: This is my normal face.The Doctor: Yes it is.River: Oh, shut up.The Doctor: Not a chance.”