“Thankfully the rest of the world assumed that the Irish were crazy, a theory that the Irish themselves did nothing to debunk. They had somehow got it into their heads that each fairy lugged around a pot of gold with him wherever he went. While it was true that LEP had a ransom fund, because of its officers' high-risk occupation, no human had ever taken a chunk of it yet. This didn't stop the Irish population in general from skulking around rainbows, hoping to win the supernatural lottery.”

“Waitress: "And to drink?"Artemis: "Spring water. Irish, if you have it. And no ice, please. As your ice is no doubt made from tap water, which rather defeats the purpose of spring water.”

“So why don't we have a go? There are two of us.'Little Mike realized that his friend was actually serious. 'Two of us? Father Hillary had God Almighty helping out, and look where it got him.''I know. But we're a team. For years, since primary. Batman and Robin.''Robin got killed,' said Mike.Christy was shocked. 'He did not, did he? Jesus, I didn't hear about that.''Yeah. It was a big shock. The Joker kilt him.''That fuckin' Joker. I didn't see that coming.' ("Taking on PJ")”

“Stupid. Stupid. Foaly, we are both imbeciles. I don't expect lateral thinking from the LEP, but from you..."... "What is it?" [Holly] asked, afraid of the answer, which must surely be terrible."Yeah," agreed Foaly, who always had time to feel insulted. "Why am I an imbecile?”

“This is what love does, he realized, and in that moment he understood why Artemis had kidnapped a fairy to get the money to find his father. Love makes everything else seeminconsequential ”

“*to thor* Zeus had replied that he had pulled fluffballs of lint out of his bellybutton that were bigger than Asgard”

“Jon Spiro had not hired Pex and Chips for their debating sills. In the job interview, they had only been set one task. A hundred applicants were handed a walnut and asked to smash it however they could. Only two succeeded. Pex had shouted at the walnut for a few minutes, then flattened it between his giant palms. Chips had opted for a more controversial method. He placed the walnut on the table, grabbed is interviewer by the ponytail, and used the man's forehead to smash the nut. Both men were hired on the spot. They quickly established themselves as Arno Blunt's most reliable leiutenants for in-house work. They were not allowed outside Chicago, as this could involve map reading, something Pex and Chips were not very good at.”