“If my hair was on fire and llamas came to put it out, he'd tell me the shot was great.”

“If my house is on fire, I don't need the fire chief telling me I should not have built the house out of wood. I need somebody to put the fire out.”

“You know," she said, stirring her tea, "the fastest way to get him off your back is to sleep with him. And tell him you love him. Preferably while in bed."I smirked and the tea almost came out of my nose. "He'd run like he was on fire.”

“I would imagine being tied up and put in a haystack while someone put the dry, stale straw ablaze. I would picture it perfectly while rocking on my hand. The daydream was about struggling to get free while the fire burned hotter and closer. I am not sure if I came when the fire reached me or after I had imagined escaping it. But I came. I orgasmed on my hand to the dream of fire.”

“Carter may have just beaten the crap out of me, he may have shot me in the back, but he'd bought me Dr. Pepper. I know it was effed up, but somehow, it balanced out.”

“I woke up the Following morning with the Kings of Leon telling me that "my sex was on fire." I shut off my alarm and that's when all of the memories of the previous night came rushing back.”