“A movie playing on the TV screen in front of us. Some sort of bad Tom Cruise drama. I've never liked Tom Cruise. He always reminded me of someone's creepy cousin, who smiles too big before he touches your butt and whispers something gross in your ear with hot whiskey breath.”

“Alexis grabbed his arm. "Tom Jones? Wow, I totally love Tom Jones. He's like quintessential Vegas—over the top and indecent fun. Let me just go grab a pair of underwear to throw at him and we'll be all set."Over his undead body. If anyone was getting her underwear tossed in his face, it was going to be him."I don't think so, Ball Buster. You're not giving your panties to an old man.""Oh, and you're so young, Garlic?""Garlic?" What the hell was that?"Yep. Now we have pet names for each other, isn't that adorable? You're Garlic and I'm Ball Buster. Now everyone will believe we're a real couple.”

“Tom Cruise isn't that big of a guy," my mom always says. I love how she tries to avoid using the word "short."Yeah," I tell her in return, "but he compensates by being Tom Cruise."Not that anyone really wants to BE Tom Cruise anymore now that he's a crazy couch jumper. But whatever.”

“But there was something about Diesel... it started with his name and ended with his butt.”

“Jennifer to Beth: Ech. I don't like Tom Cruise. Beth to Jennifer: Me neither. But I usually like Tom Cruise movies. Jennifer to Beth: Me too... Huh, maybe I do like Tom Cruise. But I hate feeling pressured to find him attractive. I don't.Beth to Jennifer: Nobody does. It's a lie perpetuated by the American media. Tom Cruise and Julia Roberts.Jennifer to Beth: Men don't like Julia Roberts?Beth to Jennifer: Nope. Her teeth scare them.Jennifer to Beth: Good to know.”

“Sounds like a plan. I owe Tammy a big thank-you.” Ty sighed. “I think I’m too old for this bachelor party crap.”“We’ll be planning yours soon enough.”That was so not appealing, Ty was almost scared. “Let’s just go fishing and call it good.”“Done.”

“Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit..." Suzanne”