“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...”

“...the words of young Ted Kennedy, Jr., who lost his leg to cancer. "People are taught we should look perfect," he said. "I wondered who would ever go out with a kid with one leg.”

“I've exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.”

“It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.”

“I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”