“In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.”

“I've always felt there are two things a woman should never do after the age of thirty-five: stand in natural light and have a baby...”

“...the words of young Ted Kennedy, Jr., who lost his leg to cancer. "People are taught we should look perfect," he said. "I wondered who would ever go out with a kid with one leg.”

“I've exercised with women so thin, buzzards followed them to their cars.”

“I come from a home where gravy is a beverage.”

“It was a bitter moment for us. We weren't two mature parents. We were just two kids playing grown-up. We still needed Mommy and Daddy's permission, blessings, and money to survive.”

“Have you any idea how many children it takes to turn off one light in the kitchen Three. It takes one to say What light and two more to say I didn't turn it on.”