“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”

“Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. ”

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. ”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”

“As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”

“Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”