“There was a time when the one singular thing that held a marriage together was the threat of getting the kids.”

“When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.”

“Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.”

“When the going gets tough, the tough make cookies.”

“Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. ”

“...the words of young Ted Kennedy, Jr., who lost his leg to cancer. "People are taught we should look perfect," he said. "I wondered who would ever go out with a kid with one leg.”

“Insanity is hereditary. You can catch it from your kids.”