“There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”

“When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he's doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911. ”

“Giving birth is little more than a set of muscular contractions granting passage of a child. Then the mother is born.”

“One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is.”

“A child needs your love most when he deserves it least”

“It's frightening to wake up one morning and discover that while you were asleep you went out of style.”

“As a child, my number one best friend was the librarian in my grade school. I actually believed all those books belonged to her.”