“I am drunk, seest thou? When I am not drunk I do not talk. You have never heard me talk much. But an intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend his time with fools.”

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”

“Don't think I'm talking nonsense because I'm drunk. I'm not a bit drunk. Brandy's all very well, but I need two bottles to make me drunk.”

“I am sometimes asked, 'Why do you spend so much of your time and money talking about kindness to animals when there is so much cruelty to men?' I answer: 'I am working at the roots.”

“He'll admit to his feelings when he's in his cups."The valet nodded. "That's true, ma'am. If we could get him drunk."Clara stifled a laugh. "I am not certain I would want a man who has to be drunk to admit his love for me.”

“A lady came up to me one day and said 'Sir! You are drunk', to which I replied 'I am drunk today madam, and tomorrow I shall be sober but you will still be ugly.”