“There are only three sports: bullfighting, motor racing, and mountaineering; all the rest are merely games.”

“Football: A sport that bears the same relation to education that bullfighting does to agriculture.”

“Or maybe you’re merely uncomfortable with uncertainty. Like the rest of the human race.”

“It is not true that the English invented cricket as a way of making all other human endeavors look interesting and lively; that was merely an unintended side effect. ...It is the only sport that incorporates meal breaks. It is the only sport that shares its name with an insect. It is the only sport in which spectators burn as many calories as the players-more if they are moderately restless.”

“Hunting is not a sport. In a sport, both sides should know they're in the game.”

“i could never be a sports writer, unless my assignment was to write 'sports sports sports sports sports' for three pages”