“My problem lies in reconciling my gross habits with my net income.”

“All I had to do was stick my face into this gruesome mess and bite off the young sheep's testicles. Dag a hogget. I had good teeth. I put my nose into this awful-smelling mess, my teeth solidly around the balls of the six-month-old sheep, and took a bite while I held him upside down. My nose was in fur and ordure. I bit and spat out the product into a pile of what they called prairie oysters. We have them in America too: delicious to eat, but not delicious to remove. They said this was the most sanitary way to de-ball a sheep. After I was done, I passed the sheep onto the next man, who put a little coal tar on the same spot for purposes of cleansing and closing up the wound.The sheep never let out a bleat.”

“It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper.”

“if you're dealing with monkeys, you got to expect some wrenches.....”

“Any man who dies with more than $10000 to his name is a failure.”

“Amy! My God! My God! My darling!' and buried my face in her neck, my arms wrapped tight around her, and let the cameras get their fifteen seconds, and I whispered deep inside her ear, 'You fucking bitch.”

“Set up an arbitrary set of rules and then follow them slavishly.”