“America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week.”

“Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.”

“Many a man who falls in love with a dimple makes the mistake of marrying the whole girl.”

“Most new books are forgotten within a year, especially by those who borrow them.”

“Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either. ”

“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”

“We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.”