“Conscience is what makes a boy tell his mother before his sister does.”

“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy and Jill a rich widow”

“Housework is what a woman does that nobody notices unless she hasn't done it.”

“A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. ”

“Family: A social unit where the father is concerned with parking space, the children with outer space, and the mother with closet space.”

“Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.”

“Anger is the feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.”