“Hey, uh, you know. Um. If you’re alive, uh, call me." I looked at the screen and said, "It's Jane." I closed the phone, thinking, Lame. I am so lame.”

“Hi, Tad!' she said. 'Hi, Jeff! Hey, I'm not interrupting anything, am I?''Uh, no,' I said. 'We were just...I mean, Tad was...uh, nope.''So what were you guys talking about?''Well,' I said, 'it's very complicated. We were discussing...umm...hats. You know, hats. Like, the head kind.''There's another kind?' Lindsey asked.'Hey, Jeff?' Tad said. 'If your mom needs any evidence to prove that you're retarded, let me know. I'd be glad to record you talking to Lindsey. I'm pretty sure that would do the trick.”

“If I've got the powers of a god, then why am I so...""Lame?" Sadie suggested."Shut up," I said.”

“Saying 'I notice you're a nerd' is like saying, 'Hey, I notice that you'd rather be intelligent than be stupid, that you'd rather be thoughtful than be vapid, that you believe that there are things that matter more than the arrest record of Lindsay Lohan. Why is that?' In fact, it seems to me that most contemporary insults are pretty lame. Even 'lame' is kind of lame. Saying 'You're lame' is like saying 'You walk with a limp.' Yeah, whatever, so does 50 Cent, and he's done all right for himself.”

“I wanted to tell you I....uh, like you." Shit. I chickened out! What was it with me that I couldn't say the big L word? I am such a dope. Morelli sighed into the phone. "You are such a dope.”

“Anyway, how are you and Ramona doing?' Uh... you know. Pretty good.'Have you said the L-Word yet?'The L-Word? You mean? Lesbian?' Uh... No. The other L-Word.' ?'Okay. Uh, It's "love." I wasn't trying to trick you or anything.”