“HOLY MOTHER EFFING SPARKLY VAMPIRES IS HE HOT”

“Soon, we are as naked as the day we were born. Except, y'know, were not covered in blood and attached to our mothers by umbilical cords.”

“Here’s the aisle with tape.”“Thank you, Miss Steal,” he says. He picks up the most expensive brand, which runs $3.99 a roll. This guy is a total baller.”

“Are you ready for my love gun?” he says.Uh-oh. “What’s a love gun? Is that a sex toy?”“No,” he says. “I’m talking about my penis.”“Oh,” I say. “Then yes. Fire away”

“My god, Anna,” he says. “I almost lost you.” He has me in his powerful grip. I’ve never felt this safe before.“Never let go,” I say, looking into his beautiful gray eyes.“That could be problematic,” he says. “I’ll have to let you go at some point. What if I have to pee? What if you have to pee?”“I don’t care,” I say.“What if I have an important business meeting and I’m holding you and we’re both covered in urine?”I start to cry. “You’re right,” I say, turning my face away from his gaze. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“I drink coffee sometimes, but Starbucks’ coffee tastes like burnt ass,” I say.“Actually, it tastes nothing like burnt ass, Anna.”“And how would you know what burnt ass tastes like?”He laughs. “That’s for me to know…and you to find out.”I’m not sure I want to find out, but whatever.”

“Air is like cable TV: you don't appreciate it until you don't have it.”