“I'd do you." "I think you did once" I say. "Oh yeah.”

“Are you ready for my love gun?” he says.Uh-oh. “What’s a love gun? Is that a sex toy?”“No,” he says. “I’m talking about my penis.”“Oh,” I say. “Then yes. Fire away”

“My god, Anna,” he says. “I almost lost you.” He has me in his powerful grip. I’ve never felt this safe before.“Never let go,” I say, looking into his beautiful gray eyes.“That could be problematic,” he says. “I’ll have to let you go at some point. What if I have to pee? What if you have to pee?”“I don’t care,” I say.“What if I have an important business meeting and I’m holding you and we’re both covered in urine?”I start to cry. “You’re right,” I say, turning my face away from his gaze. “Nothing lasts forever.”

“I drink coffee sometimes, but Starbucks’ coffee tastes like burnt ass,” I say.“Actually, it tastes nothing like burnt ass, Anna.”“And how would you know what burnt ass tastes like?”He laughs. “That’s for me to know…and you to find out.”I’m not sure I want to find out, but whatever.”

“Here’s the aisle with tape.”“Thank you, Miss Steal,” he says. He picks up the most expensive brand, which runs $3.99 a roll. This guy is a total baller.”

“An attractive blonde behind the receptionist's desk smiles at me as I walk in. I assume she’s the receptionist, because I can’t think of any other reason she would be sitting behind the receptionist’s desk. Unless maybe she’s filling in for the real receptionist, who could be on her lunch break. But then I remember: it’s almost two, and I doubt anyone takes their lunch breaks that late. So this must be the actual receptionist.”

“I feel naked in my Tommy hoodie and Victoria's Secret sweatpants with PINK written across the ass. The sweatpants aren't pink though - they're gray. This always confuses me when I put them on, because shouldn't they say GRAY - on the backside? Maybe Victoria's secret is she's colorblind.”