“Kids are like heroin -- an injection of pain when they're around, but even when they're not around it's like that next fix. You just can't stop thinking about it.”

“That is a fart without wind....." in reference to when you can't back up what you say. very funny.”

“You’ve got a good side?”“I do. I just don’t use it too often. My bad side’s so much more fun.”

“What's the difference between a classical guitar and a pizza? A pizza can feed a family of four.”

“Assholes are like weeds, a bitch to get rid of and when you do another one grows back in its place.”

“When you're with a man, no one tells you he's a creep; they don't like to; they think, well, that's her choice, perhaps ours isn't up to much either; how will we ever be sure, in this polite world? In other words, as we all know, one woman's creep is another's true love, and just as well.”

“If you ask me, psychopaths are more talented than the rest of us... but they're still fucking psychopaths.”