“Whoever taught my mother the phrase stud muffin should be prosecuted”

“I've never had any summer lovin'. And I've never had any school year lovin', either. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never hooked up with a guy. And this morning, on my Internet browser, an article popped up about women marrying themselves. Even my wireless connection knows I'm alone.”

“My love life couldn't be more nonexistent if Julius was all all-girls' boarding school with a moat full of alligators around it.”

“If you skip one class, everyone knows about it. The teacher will track you down, or one of the guidance counselors will track you down and ask if you're smoking pot. According to the geniuses running this place, the only reason you would skip class is if you're smoking pot, though I actually find my classes more enjoyable when I'm high.”

“You all right?" he asked.I felt dizzy. "Yeah. Lots of blood, though...""The head always bleeds a lot," Luke told me. "Remember when I fell from the chandelier?"I smiled through my nausea. "Yeah.""And from that third-story window?""Yeah.""And from the flagpole of our Montessori school?""I remember." I managed a small laugh. "But I'm surprised you do.”

“In winter this town is freezing. You step out your door in the morning and the whole place looks like one of those nature specials in which a guy brings a camcorder to the North Pole and then the camera cuts out and you hear on the news that he got eaten by a bear”

“Eugene's got a fake ID, and he actually gets away with using it because he looks like he's thirty-six, thanks to his devotion to tasseled shoes and his ridiculous carpet of chest hair.”