“I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.”

“I believe in talking behind peoples' backs. That way, they hear it more than once.”

“All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.”

“Presently it appears that people are mainly concerned with being well rested. Those capable of uninterrupted sleep are much admired. Unconsciousness is in great demand. This is the day of the milligram.The rigors of learning how to do long division have been a traditional part of childhood, just like learning to smoke. In fact, as far as I am concerned, the two go hand in hand. Any child who cannot do long division by himself does not deserve to smoke. ”

“I write so slowly, I could write with my own blood and not hurt myself.”

“Now, nature, as I am only too aware, has her enthusiasts, but on the whole, I am not to be counted among them. To put it bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.”

“I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota.”