“If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?”

“If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wear a tail.”

“As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.”

“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.”

“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.”

“When Toni Morrison said 'write the book you want to read,' she didn't mean everybody.”

“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.”