“polite conversation is rarely either”

“No animal should ever jump up on the dining room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.”

“If, while watching the sun set on a used-car lot in Los Angeles, you are struck by the parallels between the image and the inevitable fate of humanity, do not, under any circumstance, write it down.”

“Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.”

“Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.”

“In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra. ”