“To me the outdoors is what you must pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.”

“If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?”

“The most common error made in matters of appearance is the belief that one should disdain the superficial and let the true beauty of one’s soul shine through. If there are places on your body where this is a possibility, you are not attractive – you are leaking.”

“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.”

“The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to get you interrupted when you eat.”

“Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep.”