“Very few people possess true artistic ability. It is therefore both unseemly and unproductive to irritate the situation by making an effort. If you have a burning, restless urge to write or paint, simply eat something sweet and the feeling will pass. Your life story would not make a good book. Do not even try.”

“Your life story would not make a good book. Don’t even try.”

“It's much easier to write a solemn book than a funny book. It's harder to make people laugh than it is to make them cry. People are always on the verge of tears.”

“People have been cooking and eating for thousands of years, so if you are the very first to have thought of adding lime juice to scalloped potatoes try to understand there must be a reason for this.”

“If people don't want to listen to you, what makes you think they want to hear from your sweater?”

“Life is something you do when you can’t get to sleep.”

“Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not possibly have met.”