“Use sarcasm. This is a favourite weapon of mine ever since my PGCE (teacher training) days when, naturally, we were expressly forbidden to use it. The key, as with most things, is the manner of delivery. Practise until you can deliver the remarks with the utmost sincerity”

“A fair proportion of each teacher's day is frittered away on pointless paperwork and bureaucracy...In my long experience ,meetings rarely achieve anything useful;they consist of of hours of endless,tortuous waffle and no decisions about anything.”

“Some teachers genuinely seem to believe that the politically correct nonsense that the kids should not be punished. Others are simpleminded and have allowed themselves to be brainwashed until they believe this.Most,I suspect, are simply worn down by years watching standards slide while being told there was they could,or should, do about it.”

“It’s a red letter day, too: the new set of science textbooks hasfinally arrived.This may not seem much to you but I feel like bringing inchampagne to celebrate or asking the Head for a half day’s holiday.In the past, we have shared one dirty, dog-eared textbook betweentwo or even three children and it’s a book which doesn’t even coverthe right topics for our syllabus.These new ones are written by the people who set the exam, sothey must cover the relevant stuff.The Head of Department arrives carrying the books and handsthem out to the kids, handling them with great reverence.‘These books are brand new,’ he intones solemnly, placing oneneatly on my desk. ‘They must be treated with great respect and careso that others may use them in the future.”

“Glancing at the paper, I see once again how much exams have changed these days. For example. Old Fashioned Question: ‘What is 5x3?’ (1 Mark) Modern question: ‘How would you feel if you were a number 5 and two new number 5s came to join you from somewhere else? Would you make friends with them, because they are the same as you, or would you feel that they were not as good as you because you had been here longer? Do you think other number 5s would treat them differently? Can you think of any similar situation in the world today?’ (25 Marks).”

“PE teachers are usually very good with the kids because they don't muck about.”

“Far too many incidents are simply brushed under the carpet, as it is much easier to hold meetings and presentations than support those teachers below them who are trying to improve discipline.”