“Definition of rock journalism: People who can't write, doing interviews with people who can't think, in order to prepare articles for people who can't read.”

“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”

“Anybody who wants religion is welcome to it, as far as I'm concerned--I support your right to enjoy it. However, I would appreciate it if you exhibited more respect for the rights of those people who do not wish to share your dogma, rapture, or necrodestination.”

“Take the Kama Sutra. How many people died from the Kama Sutra as opposed to the Bible? Who wins?”

“A drug is not bad. A drug is a chemical compound. The problem comes in when people who take drugs treat them like a license to behave like an asshole.”

“You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of football team, or some nuclear weapons, but in the very least you need a beer.”

“I'm vile and perverted. I'm obsessed and deranged.I've existed for years but very little has changed.I'm the tool of the government and industry too.For I'm destined to rule and regulate you.You may think I'm pernicious, but you can't look away.I'll make you think I'm delicious with the stuff that I say.I'm the best you can get... have you guessed me yet?I'm the slime oozing out of your TV set....”