“I think it's really tragic when people get serious about stuff. It's such an absurdity to take anything really seriously ... I make an honest attempt not to take anything seriously: I worked that attitude out about the time I was eighteen, I mean, what does it all mean when you get right down to it, what's the story here? Being alive is so weird.”

“The rock and roll business is pretty absurd, but the world of serious music is much worse.”

“I like to watch the news, because I don't like people very much and when you watch the news ... if you ever had an idea that people were really terrible, you could watch the news and know that you're right.”

“The bassoon is one of my favorite instruments. It has a medieval aroma, like the days when everything used to sound like that. Some people crave baseball...I find this unfathomable, but I can easily understand why a person could get excited about playing the bassoon.”

“I never set out to be weird. It was always other people who called me weird.”

“I wrote a song about dental floss but did anyone's teeth get cleaner?”

“I'm vile and perverted. I'm obsessed and deranged.I've existed for years but very little has changed.I'm the tool of the government and industry too.For I'm destined to rule and regulate you.You may think I'm pernicious, but you can't look away.I'll make you think I'm delicious with the stuff that I say.I'm the best you can get... have you guessed me yet?I'm the slime oozing out of your TV set....”