“The more boring a child is, the more the parents, when showing off the child, receive adulation for being good parents — because they have a tame child-creature in their house.”

“My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can.”

“Drugs will turn you into your parents.”

“The only difference between a cult and a religion is the amount of real estate they own”“Stupidity has a certain charm - ignorance does not”“My best advice to anyone who wants to raise a happy, mentally healthy child is: Keep him or her as far away from a church as you can”“It would be easier to pay off the national debt overnight than to neutralize the long-range effects of our national stupidity”“Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff.”

“Some scientists claim that hydrogen, because it is so plentiful, is the basic building block of the universe. I dispute that. I say there is more stupidity than hydrogen, and that is the basic building block of the universe.”

“If you end up with a boring miserable life because you listened to your mom, your dad, your teacher, your priest, or some guy on television telling you how to do your shit, then you deserve it.”

“The Ultimate Rule ought to be: 'If it sounds GOOD to you, it's bitchin'; if it sounds BAD to YOU, it's shitty. The more your musical experience, the easier it is to define for yourself what you like and what you don't like. American radio listeners, raised on a diet of _____ (fill in the blank), have experienced a musical universe so small they cannot begin to know what they like.”