“and in that recurring dream, I found myself trapped in some sort of gigantic game of which I was unfamiliar with the rules; lost in a labyrinthine town of dark and damp, criss-crossing streets, ambiguous characters of uncertain authority having no idea of why I was there nor what I had to do, and where the first sign of the beginning of understanding was the wish to die.”

“A First Sign of the Beginning of Understanding is the Wish to Die.”

“For now, oh my God, it is to You alone that I can talk, because nobody else will understand. I cannot bring any other man on this earth into the cloud where I dwell in Your light, that is, Your darkness, where I am lost and abashed. I cannot explain to any other man the anguish which is Your joy nor the loss which is the Possession of You, nor the distance from all things which is the arrival in You, nor the death which is the birth in You because I do not know anything about it myself and all I know is that I wish it were over - I wish it were begun.”

“I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.”

“What and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do?”

“I wish I knew how one is supposed to live. I wish somebody had taught me. Why do people we take for authorities when we are children let us down in this respect? Who is to tell us which is right? The cross, the crescent, the hammer and sickle, the smiling Buddha? do as you would be done by.”