“Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted. ”

“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”

“I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.”

“Televisio is a vehicle that permits people who haven't anything to do to watch people who can't do anything.”

“I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.”

“a group of people who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done”

“Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. ”