“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.”

“The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. ”

“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”

“I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.”

“A conference is a gathering of important people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it.”