“The last time I saw him he was walking down Lover's Lane holding his own hand. ”

“I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.”

“It is bad to suppress laughter. It goes back down and spreads to your hips.”

“I can't understand why a person will take a year or two to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.”

“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“I'm going to Boston to see my doctor. He's a very sick man.”