“You only live once. But if you work it right, once is enough.”

“California is a fine place to live, if you happen to be an orange.”

“You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer’s heart.”

“Life, in my estimation, is a biological misadventure that we terminate on the shoulders of six strange men whose only objective is to make a hole in one with you. ”

“A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to be well-known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.”

“A gentleman is any man who wouldn't hit a woman with his hat on.”

“I like long walks, especially when they're taken by people who annoy me.”