“Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a purpose.”

“Just because we're fictional characters doesn't mean you can pick us up and move us anywhere you want.--the people of Lake Woebegon”

“My God, rich people have the time to praise You if they want to, but the poor people are so busy, accept their work as praise because, my God, they don’t have time for everything.”

“Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.”

“Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.”

“We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.”

“Lutherans don't hold bingo games in the church basement. Lutherans are against fun in general, which is why for them, birth control has never been a big issue.”