“It is a sin to believe evil of others but it is seldom a mistake.”

“I believe in looking reality straight in the eye and denying it. ”

“We come from people who brought us up to believe that life is a struggle, and if you should feel really happy, be patient: this will pass.”

“Some people have a love of their fellow man in their hearts, and others require a light anesthetic.”

“My generation was secretive, brooding, ambitious, show-offy, and this generation is congenial. Totally. I imagine them walking around with GPS chips that notify them when a friend is in the vicinity, and their GPSes guide them to each other in clipped electronic lady voices and they sit down side by side in a coffee shop and text-message each other while checking their e-mail and hopping and skipping around Facebook to see who has posted pictures of their weekend.”

“I can see how I could write a bold account of myself as a passionate man who rose from humble beginnings to cut a wide swath in the world, whose crimes along the way might be written off to extravagance and love and art, and could even almost believe some of it myself on certain days after the sun went down if I’d had a snort or two and was in Los Angeles and it was February and I was twenty-four, but I find a truer account in the Herald-Star, where it says: “Mr. Gary Keillor visited at the home of Al and Florence Crandall on Monday and after lunch returned to St. Paul, where he is currently employed in the radio show business… Lunch was fried chicken with gravy and creamed peas”.”

“Marrying for sex is like flying to London for the free peanuts and pretzels. It's not the point of the thing, is it?”