“Nothing you do for children is ever wasted.”

“He was admired for never being at a loss for words and never wasting any either.”

“That's the news from Lake Woebegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.”

“It's important for survival that children have their own experiences, the kind they learn from. The kind their parents arrange for are not as useful. Good parents are the hardest to get rid of.”

“Thank you, dear God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.”

“I used to think that kid might become a preacher. Now I don't see how he's going to stay out of prison. Nobody in this family ever went to prison for sex crimes. He'd be the first."Yes," says Jesus, "you never know about these things."He and Grandpa are drinking cups of coffee and eating ginger snaps. Grandpa says, "When are you planning to return to earth?"Soon as I finish this coffee," say Jesus. "Pretty good, isn't it.”

“A girl in a bikini is like having a loaded gun on your coffee table- There's nothing wrong with them, but it's hard to stop thinking about.”