“It means, Doug Swieteck, that in this class, you are not your brother.”

“Doug that is so sweet, but your doing the controlling thing again" "How is that controlling?""For starters, you made your brother pull me over”

“My brother is a very bad policeman. So . . . you’re coming to school, right?” Doug“Nnnnnnno.” Zoey“Come so you can be around people,” Doug coaxed. “I don’t think you should be alone today.”“I think I definitely should.” Zoey “Come so I won’t worry about you.” Doug ;]”

“I think something must happen to you when you get into eight grade. Like the Doug Swieteck's Brother Gene switches on and you become a jerk. Which may have been Hamlet, Prince of Denmark's problem, who, besides having a name that makes him sound like a breakfast special at Sunnyside Morning Restaurant--something between a ham slice and a three-egg omelet--didn't have the smarts to figure out that when someone takes the trouble to come back from beyond the grave to tell you that he's been murdered, it's probably behooveful to pay attention--which is the adjectival form.”

“Fred: "Is that brick wall your boyfriend?"Doug: "Only in my dreams."Fred: "Oh, you too? I'm Fred."Doug: "Doug. I should mention, in all fairness though that Christy's boyfriend is my best friend. He's the brick wall you should be worried about.”

“You guys are just jealous because i'm a natural athlete and you can't cross the street without falling on your face." -(Bird) Doug”