“We were both chumps. But you know what? It's not so bad when you're chumps together.”

“Chumps always make the best husbands. When you marry, Sally, grab a chump. Tap his head first, and if it rings solid, don't hesitate. All the unhappy marriages come from husbands having brains. What good are brains to a man? They only unsettle him.”

“Optimism is denial for chumps with no life experience"."What's pessimism?" I said."Religion without God.”

“Providence looks after all the chumps of this world, and personally, I'm all for it.”

“Providence seems to look after the chumps of this world; and, personally, I'm all for it.”

“Sure, I can talk like you, but I choose not to, It's like an art, you know? Picasso had to prove to the world he could paint the right way, before he goes putting both eyes on the side of a face... See if you paint wrong because that's the best you can do, you just a chump. But you do it because you want to? Then you're an artist...You can take that to the grave and dig it up when you need it.”