“You always hear a headline like this, 'Man Killed By Shark', you never hear it from the other perspective, 'Man Swims in Shark Infested Waters, Forgets He's Shark Food'.”

“If a tree falls in the woods, and nobody is around to hear it, and it hits a mime, does anyone care?”

“Life is good but sometimes you have to swim through frigid shark-infested waters with weights chained to your waist to get there.”

“I don't know where my ideas come from. I will admit, however, that one key ingredient is caffeine. I get a couple cups of coffee into me and weird things just start to happen.”

“I understand that you're a big fish in a small pond, but I'll explain that if you want to swim in the ocean, you must understand that the ocean is populated by sharks, and sharks never sleep.”

“We don’t like to think of ourselves as prey—it is a lessening thought—but the truth is that in our arrogance and so-called knowledge we forget that we are not unique. We are part of nature as much as other animals, and some animals—sharks, fever-bearing mosquitoes, wolves and bear, to name but a few—perceive us as a food source, a meat supply, and simply did not get the memo about how humans are superior.It can be shocking, humbling, painful, very edifying and sometimes downright fatal to run into such an animal.”

“There is no such thing as a man-eating shark, only shark-eating men exist.”