“Never negotiate with terrorists, make bargains with mobsters, or drive downtown on game day. Some things are just a given.”

“I’m already moving towards the kitchen as I say this, because one thing I’ve learned is that you never, ever enter negotiations with a three-and-a-half-year old. It’s like negotiating with terrorists.”

“I was in no mood to negotiate with the Tampon Terrorist.”

“Funny how every day we are given choices to make in our lives. Some are just more far-reaching than others.”

“The dog’s agenda is simple, fathomable, overt: I want. “I want to go out, come in, eat something, lie here, play with that, kiss you. There are no ulterior motives with a dog, no mind games, no second-guessing, no complicated negotiations or bargains, and no guilt trips or grudges if a request is denied.”

“While I sleep, and I sleep often these days, he spends much of his time in the church downtown. The very one I never could convince him to attend. He claims he is praying. But I know he is trying to strike a bargain with our Maker.One hand of Black Jack, I know he says. Winner gets to keep the girl.I know for sure, were J. granted that game of cars with the Almighty, he’d go into it with both an ace and a jack up his sleeve.”