“If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you.”

“The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.”

“People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, make them.”

“You don't stop laughing when you grow old, you grow old when you stop laughing.”

“Everybody has choices, Mother. The poorest girl alive may not be able to choose between being Queen of England or Principal of Newnham; but she can choose between rag-picking and flower-selling, according to her taste. People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them.”

“My way of joking is to tell the truth. It's the funniest joke in the world.”

“Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.”