“I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.”

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.”

“Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up. ”

“I can't understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.”

“When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.”