“Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.”

“Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.”

“If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age. ”

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.”

“I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.”

“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”