“You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.”

“You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.”

“It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.”

“Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.”

“Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.”

“I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don't have to respect anybody.”

“Young. Old. Just Words.”